She says she has been having suicidal thoughts for the last few months and I've made appointments for her to get help and she is so scared that they will send her to a metal ward. And when I thought about it, it's really not. But, two years ago he went off the meds completely, to "get a baseline of who he is". I love my kids, but if I could go back in time and undo them, I probably would. She does usually call me every day, sometimes several times a day, but with intermittent periods where she breaks off communication for a day or two. Living with Bipolar Disorder: A Real Life Story Please note that this is article is written to be an informative view of what it is like in reality living with Bipolar Disorder. I was taking my meds but they were the wrong ones. My wife knew that her condition was going to harm everybody. My husband is actually coming with me to my next appt so we can do this, as our marriage has hit a bumpy patch due to some stuff I did before my recent med change. Video: Living Day-to-Day With Bipolar. A lot of people only know bipolar disorder as it's shown on TV or in movies. Find someone you can talk to and vent your problems to. I stuck around for the kids. Not the OP, but going through the same life with my husband. My life living with bipolar I started on cold November night. With kids you're pretty much fucked. I think you need to make it clear that she's got to take them, and maybe also tell her doc that she isn't adhering to the plan. Did you ever act like that? Many people with bipolar disorder have happy, successful marriages. Bipolar stories are invariably gut-wrenching litanies of loss and regret. The only thing that fixed it, was leaving. Curse at the symptoms of your spouse’s bipolar disorder all you want, but love and respect the person who has the illness. One day whilst at work (I work 12 hour shifts) he phoned me to say he was feeling awful in fact so awful he had taken himself to the local hospital as he just couldnt bear living like this anymore. The abuse you are continuing to be exposed to is unhealthy, for you and your family. It took me by surprise when someone asked me what it was like being married to someone who had bipolar disorder. She has been to the doctor countless times to adjust her meds, but a lot of the times I catch her not even taking them. Here are some things to consider before making the decision and how to … and then calming down like nothing happened. please explain how life got easier when she died, and what ur emotions are about this topic like if this topic was ur girlfriend would u like her or hate her. Knowing that all of us will likely be struggling with this for the rest of our lives is a tough pill to swallow. That I can talk to without having to analyze every word in my head before I say it. It's utterly exhausting. The difference (assuming the alcoholic isn’t also bipolar) is that mania isn’t just followed by a hangover – it is inevitably followed by serious depression, and if the bipolar person is undiagnosed or untreated, their thinking may still be irrational and their perceptions still distorted. We saw a different GP who agreed with our diagnosis of bipolar type2. A Reddit to share information about who you are, how you think, and what helps you cope in life. Despite that, I fucking hate it. Marriage isn't really permanent until you have children, and from my experience, bipolar and kids do not mix. Ideally, Cairns says, the individual with bipolar should have a well-rounded support team—including a psychiatrist, psychologist, other family members, and at least one close friend. Just poped into my head when I read this. Depression I could handle, but the constant back and forth, never knowing who I'm going to get from day to day, hour to hour? Thank you to the moderators of r/BipolarSOs for allowing me to post here!. "lets try new meds" sounded much better before the reality hit. Living with a husband or wife who has bipolar disorder can be difficult. I went through the same thing and came to the same conclusions. Im in a similar ish situation. In fact, she was pretty normal until we hit a critical mass of kids, and the stress triggered her condition. For us, the diagnosis was a surprise two years ago. Press J to jump to the feed. Free with Kindle Unlimited membership Learn More Or $2.99 to buy. Being in a relationship where one or both partners have bipolar disorder is not easy. To roll with it and wait for it to pass. When my wife is down, she often laments about how she is an unfit parent and how she has passed crazy genes down to our kids, so I think at least those fears of yours are well founded. The medication or...? When she is manic, I know to let things slide. Living with a bipolar spouse: Definitive guide on living everyday with a bipolar spouse. Feature Stories. And if you are co-morbid with a personality disorder, he will either divorce you or ambivalently welcome the day one of you dies. In a recent NAMI meeting I attended, the parents of children with bipolar disorder shared their experiences with the sudden changes in behavior that make each day, week and month a challenge. She is on meds and stable, and I've seen it all pretty much at this time. I learned the hard way that if I am not brutally honest about my life when I talk to my psych, I don't get the right stuff. They can't hold down a steady job, and their relationships with friends and family are destructive at best. There is no way she could have known. Without being willing to bring him in, it is exponentially harder for the significant other. by Keith Monroe | Jun 25, 2017. It's exhausting. They would go off on long abusive tirades in an attempt to emotionally dismantle those closest to them. I know that is common for people with bipolar to struggle with finding the right doses but she has pretty much given up on meds and life now. I am not the right person to handle this kind of spouse. Just trust she'll come back, detach and work on yourself. 00. I live with somebody with bipolar..... even though she doesn’t recognize it, or has had it diagnosed. Some day you'll reach the end of your rope and do what you have to. They will learn that this is … I had no idea what was going on. I definitely resent her even though it isn't her fault. I feel like the big component in your relationship is that you're willing to have your spouse be your parter in your mental health. Hear our revealing conversation about how she nearly destroyed her family and read an excerpt from her memoir. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. If you don't mind some internet stranger asking, what was it that pushed you to leave? Maybe I'm just jaded, but love in this situation seems more like morphine than a cure. Good for you sticking around for the kids if that is the best option. I'm a bipolar 2 mother of toddler twins. I have had "family therapy" suggested to me. I know this. They're hypersexual and prone to fits of rage. I love her because I have to love her, but she doesn't bring me joy. Our kids don't deserve it, but I don't know what else to do. The difference now is that the chaos is gone. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain that we were born with. Maybe therapy/counseling where you are both present? Indeed, caring for someone who has a mental illness can be more draining than caring for someone with cancer, says Dr. Karp. As for the children, I think they can handle a divorce. I have such a never give up attitude that I can't stand knowing she is hurting so much and that nothing I do to alleviate the pain will ever help. My wife is on new meds and we haven't seen how they will react with her when she goes through her mid-month menses crazy period. It has only been in the past […] Living with a bipolar spouse means that your life will be unpredictable, as that is the very nature of bipolar disorder. Frankly, does love even matter in this equation? I will second /u/Ghabergha in that the only thing that ever made it better, was the decision to leave. I know the signs, I have seen the signs, it runs in her family, and frankly as she gets older it gets worse. r/bipolar: A safe haven for bipolar related issues. He can only do his best with what I tell him, and for awhile that was not good enough. It kills me seeing her this way and now I'm starting to fall into the same murky waters of depression as her. Even when she is on the meds, it is practically unbearable. I ensure I’m open and honest with my spouse and insist she treats me the same. Her illness is just chemistry, and from my perspective, the rest is just how much abuse are the rest of us willing to put up with. I imagine it is hard even when all of the bipolar phases are friendly? If your wife is indeed taking her meds and acting like this still, I'd question whether she's on the right cocktail. You know the trope: One minute characters are catatonically depressed, and the next they're so manic they think they can fly off a building. Raw truth. Most of the time when my wife starts to lose it, I'll start to lose it too. I know it can be hard to stay on track but I personally would not stay with someone who isn't taking their meds, because to me that means they aren't committed to recovery. There was so many other issues going on in my marriage that helped push the decision (drug/alcohol and physical/mental/sexual abuse). me and SO are 9 months into the new meds and I am hoping they are finally helping. Yeah, it is kinda like being a Mormon polygamist with all the different wives you seem to have placed inside one body. You've said it yourself. There's nothing you can do. I can't see how it will ever get better for me or them. For the spouse or partner, that can take some of the emotional and practical pressure off. Fuck bipolar. Bipolar Friend/Family. 10 Tips for Coping With a Bipolar Spouse. For starters, the ups and downs of bipolar disorder can disrupt the rhythms and routines of a household. I swore I wouldn't give my kids a broken home, but this whole situation left me blindsided. I hope you and your family find the peace you deserve. To roll with it and wait for it to pass. The thing that gets to me is that no matter how many times I go through the roller coaster, I can't ever get used to it. She has been living with her mother, just a mile down the road. Wait why did she die?? If your wife won't do this, maybe see if YOU can see her psych. I unfriended her on Facebook after her last bout of drama. After she had our second child 2 years ago she hasn't been the same. I do fear for your wife, but you can't really do much about it. I know it will happen over and over and over. Are you able to be the best parent and spouse you can be? I live most of my life dreading this shit bomb dropping at the worst time, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I was not pregnant or taking drugs. There are a couple of already popular bipolar subs but having a specific sub just for relationships is important in order to facilitate a community of support. Living with a spouse with Bi polar. Our house is in chaos. It's come down to an ultimatum with that baseline, get help or get out. Do junkies that fuck over their parents love them, on some level probably but again big fucking deal. Can you picture growing old in this situation? Press J to jump to the feed. I decided after many years of tolerating my sister's behavior that I'd had it. I'm not saying that I'm advocating leaving simply because of bipolar. I think family court judges should not award custody or joint custody to a bipolar parent a vast majority of the time. I love her like a handicapped child that on some level I despise. (And if you don't mind answering, after leaving how did you handle visitation/custody?). Is it today, tomorrow, next week, in 10 minutes? I keep worrying if I'm doing my kids a disservice and going the single parent route. Learn about how you can help, tell him/her how you are struggling and the kids are affected. My wife and mother were bipolar and they had other issues as well. All I can say is figuring out how to decrease her stress level. I am not serene enough to float through all this calmly so that I can provide a bedrock for my children. Abuse can take the form of How I Made Marriage Work With Bipolar. If she's trying and is willing to take responsibility for her actions, and she does love you but just can't show it, then you're in a good place with her. Are you my husband? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the BipolarReddit community. Archived. She is extremely distant to me 90% of the time and I try hard as I might to support her emotionally and mentally. Best of luck. I care about her, but I don't love her like a spouse. This sub is a place that people can come for advice or just to vent so that we do not affect our significant others with our emotions. And your medication might be working at this time, but what about when it wears off? If you stay with the bipolar spouse the child will be affected by the anger, blaming, outbursts, impulsive behavior, and mood swings. I tried being helpful and supportive, but it's just a fucking train of crazy. Again he was prescribed meds took them for a couple of weeks but they "dulled" his creative side so he stopped taking them. My family had this problem. I would bet on stress. Living with a bipolar spouse stories. Hell if I know, but one of these days I will reply to her with, "Ok, please be nice about it", and she will seethe with anger. On reflection, I realised not many people know that my husband has bipolar. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Because I'm pretty sure I have pushed him to this point before. At this point, I'm just counting down the days until our kids turn 18, so I can be free. It is usually the biggest and most severe trigger. What is the fucking point? My one suggestion to you would be to get some sort of permanent birth control like an implant. But are your kids benefitting and thriving from staying? We have a two year old boy and let me tell you that it’s very difficult either way. I had tried to take my life by overdosing on my sleeping medication, and I … I hate how she is in this never ending cycle of complaining, making big plans, failing to follow through, raging at us for whatever (unclean house, disobedience, etc.) Your wife might like going to a peer support group too. People don't know what it is like to stay with someone because they are too messed up to leave your kids alone with. It's been incredibly difficult to work around everything. Essentially, they're portrayed as completely out of control. Someone not that long ago mentioned to me how hard it must be now that I'm a single parent. Is this just how it is? I have been divorced from my bipolar spouse since June of 2016. I have a bipolar spouse that has also been diagnosed with bpd. Having a spouse with bipolar can be challenging. Hi everyone, I don't usually post on bipolar reddit but I just need some help from you guys. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. A professional counselor can help. Whether you have a bipolar spouse or you are one yourself you can have a successful relationship. Thank you for sharing. Here are techniques for coping with bipolar spouses. I was in my freshman year in high school and wound up feeling very depressed. She wasn't diagnosed until well after we were married. Even when she is happy, I know it is just temporary, which makes it feel fake. My wife has always had bipolar since I've known her but back then it wasn't quite the ordeal that it is now. Try these tips for coping with the inevitable mood swings. Even being so close, she only visits me about 1-2 times per week, and only for a short time before she gets antsy and has to go. I am part of a team of researchers at New York State Psychiatric Institute/Columbia University who are currently recruiting participants for a research study looking at an investigational treatment for self-injury called transcranial direct current stimulation, or tDCS. You should go to nami.org and find a family support group you can attend. I love my wife to death id never trade her but somedays the bipolar makes life incredibly hard. It seems to me, the OP and I do not share that role in our relationships and that's a fundamental difference. I feel the OP's struggles. Living with Bipolar Disorder . It's only been a short time for us with the help of therapies, but it's been 3 years without any meds at all. Life did become much more manageable after that even though I hated that she died. For solution, I don't know anything specific. I think she'll be fine, I suppose. It doesn't get better and she seems to like the chaos. Hi everyone, I don't usually post on bipolar reddit but I just need some help from you guys. As someone living with a significant other with bipolar disorder, not only is it a challenge for the individual, but also for their family, friends and caregivers. Just your thoughts on how could help her would be greatly appreciated! Hope you guys find what works soon. I've been living with a bipolar spouse for many years now. We've been together 15 years, and he'd always been on an SSRI. I know she isn't going to just magically get her shit together one day, and I don't have time to do everything that needs to be done because I'm the sole bread earner. When I started documenting my days and tracking my moods and so on, I got new meds and am getting back on track. It was a few days before Thanksgiving in 2007. I am emotionally exhausted seeing someone I love so much spiral into major depression and I just want to know how I can help her cope. When she is manic, I know to let things slide. Be a part of something that cares about who you are. You seem like you're clued in to your bipolar and have brought your fiance on as an ally. Despite popular belief, bipolar patients can have a normal life. She got on new meds that made her dull but stable and then she died in less than a week. I've been living with a bipolar spouse for many years now. And mos… We hope there aren’t, but aspects of the article may be slightly distressing. I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 14. In the personal stories that follow, you’ll read about the difficulties of holding down a steady job, being a consistent partner and parent, learning to be truly independent. It seems like it's not her fault but the bipolar illness that's getting to you, which is a shame. The four people profiled here are hopeful that their personal struggles will resonate with others and underscore the poignant reality that no one with bipolar is alone. 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